I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
