I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
