OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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