Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
