That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize