Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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