Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
