Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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