i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
