my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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