i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
