She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
