An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
