A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
