I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize