Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
