i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
as a side note pls kill me
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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