sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
