Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I puked a lego.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
