I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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