I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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