Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
