We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
