I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
