I am puke
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
