Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
