Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
