Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
