Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
