lets start a swedish sibling band together
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
