Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
