I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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