Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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