i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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