Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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