we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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