i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
