i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
