I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize