Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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