New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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