I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm too high and old for this...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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