the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
