Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
