I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
