I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
