You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
