last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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