The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
