when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Randomize
