nutella sex= disaster
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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