A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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