I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
