Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
