Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
