The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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