I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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