first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I need to sanitize my soul.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
