if i died would you start the facebook group?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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