He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
