one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize