I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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