Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
