What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
