Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I've blown a few things in my day
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
