yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
