The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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