the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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