I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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