who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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