I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
