Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize