Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize