i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
