Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So here I am, sexting at work.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
