It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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