just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
