I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
