I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
