Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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