did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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