So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
