____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
