why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How drunk are you?
Completed.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
