The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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