how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
