dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize