i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
