Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize