Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
