They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
