I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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