Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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