So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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