My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
