I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
