im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
