i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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