Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
