Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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