I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
