Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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