my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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