I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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