You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
