Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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