Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
