well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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