Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
